October is the month of ghosts, goblins, and haunted houses. So when it came time to choose the topic for my Root & Rise circle, “fear” felt like the obvious pick. (Actually, it was my husband’s idea—so thanks, babe!)
There’s nothing I love more than digging into an uncomfortable topic and hashing it out with my guides or friends. But before guiding the group through the meditation I’d planned, I did it myself to test how it flowed. (I won’t ask anyone to go where I haven’t gone first.)
The fear of failure showed up, as expected, but I realized it was actually a disguise for something much deeper. Something that’s been keeping my book in a drawer for 12 years.
I don’t actually fear failure. It can be tough to get through, but I’ve come to expect it and even trust it. Failure has become a cue for me to know I’m not on the right path and a useful guidepost to the next step.
So if it wasn’t failure, then what was it?
Judgment.
I am afraid of other people’s opinions and thoughts about my failures, my successes, my words, and my actions. Really, I’m afraid they are going to judge ME.
And nowhere does that fear scream louder than when I think about finally sharing my book. My brain and heart get all spinny, wrapped up in what you would say or think. Whether you’d judge me for getting it wrong, or sounding preachy, or for thinking I had anything worth saying at all.
What if they think I’m unqualified? What if they think I’m full of crap? What if I’m wasting their time?
This voice shows up everywhere. Every time I post content, send a newsletter, or even draft a caption, I hear it whisper: “What will they think? Who do you think you are?”
I’m sure this sounds familiar, because we all have this inner voice. It’s often referred to as your ego, and it’s doing what it does best. It goes into survival mode and tries to keep us safe by keeping us small. It’s invested in us being liked, approved of, and most importantly, uncriticized.
But just because it’s loud doesn’t mean it’s actually true. And when we start believing the noise, the ego talks us out of even showing up.
Here’s what I’ve found: it’s not failure we’re afraid of. Failure’s just feedback. What really keeps us small is the fear that someone’s going to see us try and think we’re ridiculous. And here’s a little secret—usually that judgment comes from their own fears about stepping up and being seen.
I needed something to help me push through that moment—something to hold onto when the “who do you think you are” voice gets really loud. So I came up with a set of questions to check in with myself. I called it BRAVE. It’s simple, but it helped. It reminded me why I was writing this in the first place.
So what do we do when the fear gets loud?
We get BRAVE.
B — Bigger Why: Does this connect to my greater purpose or mission? Not just why I’m posting, but why this work matters. Fear shrinks when you zoom out.
R — Realness: Am I walking my talk? If I’m not living what I’m saying, the fear has a foothold. But when it’s aligned, it’s powerful.
A — Audience: What’s the takeaway for someone else? If this is in service to others, then their judgment isn’t the point—their growth is.
V — Validation (Inner): Would my younger self have needed this? If it would have helped her, it will help someone else too. Speak to her with love and clarity.
E — Enoughness: If someone judged me out loud, what would it really change? If it doesn’t shake my truth or stop my mission, it’s not worth shrinking over.
BRAVE is the only reason I’m finally finishing this book. It’s the only reason you’re reading this right now. It gave me something to hold onto when the doubts started circling—when I almost scrapped the whole thing and talked myself out of sharing any of it. Those questions didn’t fix the fear, but they helped me move through it and connect back to my purpose.
My fear of judgment kept my book in a drawer for 12 years. It’s stopped me from hitting publish on posts. It’s made me second-guess every caption, every newsletter, every damn thing I’ve ever wanted to share.
But it doesn’t get to decide what I do with my voice anymore, and I won’t let it carry more weight than my purpose.
So I’m keeping BRAVE in my back pocket for the next time fear tries to take the wheel. And if you ever need a way to push through the fear, maybe it’s something you can come back to, too.
Because if my fear of judgment kept me from sharing my book for 12 years, it’s probably keeping you from sharing something too. And that would be a damn shame.
Your voice matters. Your work matters. What you have to say is worth hearing, even when the loud voice in your head tells you otherwise.
So get BRAVE and share the thing you’re afraid of being judged for. See what happens.
Want to save this framework? Download the BRAVE checklist to reference the next time fear tries to keep you small.
P.S. The book’s coming in January!!!