I know what you’re thinking: Do I really have to forgive them?
Short answer? Yes.
But let’s get something straight—forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened. It’s about setting yourself free.
I spent way too much time replaying old fights, obsessing over what I should have said, what I should have done differently. I carried that weight like a badge of honor, thinking that holding onto my resentment somehow kept me in control. But the truth? It kept me stuck.
And not just stuck in the past—stuck in the same patterns, the same mindset, the same damn emotional loops that drained my energy and blurred my vision for the future.
The turning point? When I realized that forgiveness wasn’t for them—it was for me.
I didn’t forget. I didn’t excuse. I just released the grip it had on me.
And suddenly, there was space. Space for peace, for joy, for me.
Here’s the part no one tells you: You also have to forgive yourself.
If you're being real with yourself, how much of your energy has been spent shaming yourself for the choices you made? For the times you stayed when you should have left? For the moments you ignored your gut?
I get it. I found myself if this position as well
It’s easy to beat yourself up. To replay the regrets. To judge past-you like you didn’t do the best you could with what you had.
But let me ask you this: Would you tell your best friend she’s stupid for loving the wrong person?
Would you shame her for trying so hard to make things work?
Would you remind her, over and over, of everything she did “wrong”?
Of course not.
So why are you doing it to yourself?
Listen to me: You made those choices for a reason.
Not because you were weak.
Not because you were broken.
But because, at the time, you truly believed they were the right choices.
And there’s a beauty in that.
Because here’s where your power comes in: If you had the power to make those choices, you have the power to make new ones.
Forgiveness—of others and of yourself—isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about owning your story without letting it own you.
It’s about stepping out of the victim role and into the role of the person who gets to decide what happens next.
Because when you shift from “This happened to me” to “I played a part in this”, you also open the door to playing a part in your future.
And that? That’s where everything changes.
Ready for an action step? Let That Shit Go
Alright, it’s time to do some emotional housekeeping. Grab a notebook and let’s clear out the junk drawer of your heart:
Step 1: Release
Grab a piece of paper and write down the names of the people you need to forgive—including yourself. Next to each name, write what you need to release.
Is it the resentment for how they treated you?
Is it guilt for something you did
Is it anger for not seeing the truth sooner?
Now, read the list out loud. Say: I release this. I choose to let this go. It no longer has power over me.
And then? Rip it up. Burn it (safely). Shred it. Do whatever feels like a true release.
Step 2: Rebuild
Now that you’ve made space, it’s time to reclaim your power.
Make two lists:
1. Choices I Made That Led Me Here – Write down the choices—big or small—that shaped your path. Not to shame yourself, but to own your power. Recognize the role you played in where you are today.
2. Choices I Can Make Now to Create a Different Future – Shift the focus forward. If you have the power to make different choices, what are they? What are the first three shifts you can make today?
This is where your freedom begins.
Not because you’re erasing the past.
Not because you’re pretending it never happened.
But because you are finally, fully stepping into your power.